Constant feeling of fear, guilt, sadness,
anxiety, and sudden outburst of crying, lowness and extreme sensitiveness were
some of the emotions which I experienced a few days after my delivery. Not
suddenly but gradual onset after 10 to 15 days post delivery.
It was the day of extreme pride and
joy when I gave birth to my darling baby. He bought along lots of sunshine but
some internal turmoil in my body gave rise to post partum depression. Blame it
on hormones or some monster inside me but reality is I faced it and still
living with some remnants of it.
It is hard, painful and much harder
is to make people around you understand your problem. It’s like some constant
burden on your shoulder and you are left with no energy or strength to push it
away. Why life cannot be simple? Why route to happiness is laden with stones of
hardship?
The utmost joyous moment of my life
came accompanied with these hellish unknown fears and sadness. My parents, husband
as well as in-laws took care of me as much as they can. My husband supported me,
but personally I expected something more, I wanted people around me to be more
patient and non judgmental.
Anyways it has been my personal battle
and I have to emerge out as a winner for my wellness. It has been almost one
year now and with time things are getting better. I have never allowed faith
and hope to leave my heart. My baby and his soft touches are there to heal and
keep me moving.
Advice for new moms: – Talk about it.
Communicate your feelings. If people understand it well and good and if they
don’t, be patient. Hug your baby, be strong, things will always get better.
Indulge in any hobby or activity you like even if it is for a shortest available
time.
My stress buster is books and songs. I
indulge in lot of reading and music whenever I get any time off from the never
ending chores a t home.
If living in a nuclear setup strictly
allocate some of the baby duties to the father. This way at least you get some
time off.
Statutory warning - Do not Google
much about it.
Life is indeed full of some whirlwind
mix of emotions. In between all the upheavals my son is my knight in armor. I
love him to moon and back. No matter how bad my mood is, his smile in any case
makes my life joyous.
A SHORT POEM –
“Come near me and look into my eyes
Hold my hand and kiss my forehead
I need a hug, some tender reassurance
Wipe my tears, for I have lost all strength
Send my way some twinkling dust
I want to be near you and kiss your smiles
I want to feel your breath and dance to the tunes of your
heartbeat
For it makes me feel alive”
