Poem for my better half - relationship goals

Half slept half dreamy under the quilt

Holding hands and praising the bliss

This cold January night as we lay entwined

My soul surrenders to the melody of your heartbeat

Your tender touch and breath so warm

Seized in your arms with love divine

Your strong embrace healing my soul

The Fragrant essence which leaves me high

Blossomed my heart with those mighty kisses

Untamed and stormy your love so wild

Attached our being with bond so pure

You are my place under the sun

Immortal our love, no storm can perish

This timeless bond! And Blessed we are!.

Post Partum Depression

Constant feeling of fear, guilt, sadness, anxiety, and sudden outburst of crying, lowness and extreme sensitiveness were some of the emotions which I experienced a few days after my delivery. Not suddenly but gradual onset after 10 to 15 days post delivery.

It was the day of extreme pride and joy when I gave birth to my darling baby. He bought along lots of sunshine but some internal turmoil in my body gave rise to post partum depression. Blame it on hormones or some monster inside me but reality is I faced it and still living with some remnants of it.

It is hard, painful and much harder is to make people around you understand your problem. It’s like some constant burden on your shoulder and you are left with no energy or strength to push it away. Why life cannot be simple? Why route to happiness is laden with stones of hardship?

The utmost joyous moment of my life came accompanied with these hellish unknown fears and sadness. My parents, husband as well as in-laws took care of me as much as they can. My husband supported me, but personally I expected something more, I wanted people around me to be more patient and non judgmental. 

Anyways it has been my personal battle and I have to emerge out as a winner for my wellness. It has been almost one year now and with time things are getting better. I have never allowed faith and hope to leave my heart. My baby and his soft touches are there to heal and keep me moving. 

Advice for new moms: – Talk about it. Communicate your feelings. If people understand it well and good and if they don’t, be patient. Hug your baby, be strong, things will always get better. Indulge in any hobby or activity you like even if it is for a shortest available time.

My stress buster is books and songs. I indulge in lot of reading and music whenever I get any time off from the never ending chores a t home.

If living in a nuclear setup strictly allocate some of the baby duties to the father. This way at least you get some time off.

Statutory warning - Do not Google much about it.

Life is indeed full of some whirlwind mix of emotions. In between all the upheavals my son is my knight in armor. I love him to moon and back. No matter how bad my mood is, his smile in any case makes my life joyous.   

A SHORT POEM – 

“Come near me and look into my eyes

Hold my hand and kiss my forehead

I need a hug, some tender reassurance

Wipe my tears, for I have lost all strength

Send my way some twinkling dust

I want to be near you and kiss your smiles

I want to feel your breath and dance to the tunes of your heartbeat

For it makes me feel alive”

What kept me busy all this while?

"My Heart Monster"

It was January 2015 when I started this blog. Though I am no expert writer but I did it with great passion and love, never to abandon it. And today I am back here after almost 5 months. Motherhood took over everything in my life. What a rewarding feeling to hold your baby in your arms, it is no less than bliss.

From a full time working woman, right now I am a full time mom on an extended maternity leave. Motherhood is a roller coaster ride. There are moments of happiness and some lowness too. Babies, they want every molecule, every atom of their mothers, they don’t spare even an inch. You have no free time left for yourself. Sometimes even going to the loo seems like a task to be done. You have to hold on and on and on.

I have faced it all from pregnancy complication in last trimester to post-partum depression, issues with breastfeeding, colic baby all this and more with least amount of support. I think mentally I wasn’t prepared or never gave a thought to how life would be after baby. I was just too happy to see myself pregnant after almost a year of trying to conceive.

Things are more sorted now and I have to just fight the remnants of depression from my life. I have to fight that demon called sadness and do things which make me happy and fulfilled.

I have completely lost track of my life, motherhood overpowered me. And now some serious renovation, designing is needed. I want to regain the strength and confidence which is hidden over layers of laziness and some junk. I need to somehow spare few moments no matter how little to ward off boredom and monotony. I am back to my blog and shall stay.

Well it is almost 12 am and my heart monster shall wake up anytime for mid night feed, shall post more about how I faced post-partum depression on my next post. Stay tuned.

‘This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.’

Colic Baby

Bringing home your newborn is matter of ultimate joy. Nothing is comparable to this feeling of having your baby in your room where you have spent days waiting for him. I had mixed feelings when I brought my baby boy from the hospital.  I had a lot of anxiety mainly because he had physiological jaundice and needed to be exposed to sunlight to the maximum. Gradually his bilirubin level came to normal acceptable range. But then something else was waiting to enter my anxious mind – that was ‘colic’.

My baby would at times cried inconsolable. Our pediatrician diagnosed that it is colic. He prescribed some very mild drops for the baby.  And I had to closely monitor my diet as I was feeding him.

Babies when out of womb undergo still many changes and are exposed to a totally new atmosphere. Their organs are still developing. Digestive system is not mature yet. Therefor colic is something very normal and goes away with time. Usually it takes first 3 months but in my case the baby got relief from colic by the time he was 4 months.

Some very usual symptoms are:-

-          Loud sudden cry, which is difficult to calm.

-          Red face of baby.

-          Disturbed bowel activity.

-          Increase passing of gas or spitting up of milk.

-          May suddenly scream when fast asleep.

Here symptoms may vary from baby to baby.

What calmed by heart monster during that time was “a close contact with me”, the calmer I was the more my baby felt relieved.  

During this time it is very important to keep yourself calm and having lots of patience. It is something which I terribly lacked. I was too worried seeing this happening to my baby. He would wake up screaming.  As I was still recuperating from C- Section delivery, a colicky baby added to my woes. Still it was not enough I had relatives asking me to get my baby thoroughly checked up and I should get and ultrasound done for the same. Such unwanted suggestion tore me apart and gave me sleepless nights.

Any ways I have learned something very important during that time :

-          Motherhood also requires lot of stamina and physical energy other than patience and calmness.

-        Never let negativity overpower you.  You cannot ignore some people but give cold shoulder to their unwanted suggestions.

##beingmumma

The Matters of Heart

“Your tiny feet stamped my heart

Your glistening eyes, brighten my days

Your smiles and laughters are music of happiness

My tiny angel my heart monster

You rule my life and govern my soul”

God’s Love is so Wonderful

It’s been a long time. I am posting something today after a very long break.

Past one year has been very tough for me.  Tears sadness and anxieties were my constant companions.

It was the end of Feb 2015 when I had to rush for an emergency USG, what it revealed was shattering for me. Doctor said that he couldn’t detect the fetal heartbeat. My world turned upside down, no words could explain the turmoil my soul went through. I felt empty and lost.

Well with time I managed to gather some strength. Made peace with what happened and reignited the flames of hope and faith. With God’s grace I was again able to conceive within the next two months and then started the roller coaster ride of pregnancy. There were lots of ups and down during the entire tenure of 9 months, I was down with viral fever, some unexpected bleeding and difficulty with keeping track of fetal movements. This was all followed by an emergency C- Section delivery, 3 weeks before the expected date.

And then as we say God’s love is so wonderful, I could really feel it, it was my moment of truth when for the very first time I had my tiny being in my arms.

Just two of us with love and only love around. Nothing is comparable to the feel and touch of your own child.

Life is indeed unexpected. But one thing is for sure have faith and never let it die. Believe in miracles they really happen.

The Beautiful Bond

Some unspoken words

Some silent whispers

Some caring glances

Some subtle touches

Some and more of love entail our relation

Those eyes which speak of million promises

That heart which beats with thy name

Souls which thou bond with Ram’s blessings

For no force the strongest can break the union.

Karwa Chauth is a festival of love and emotions.  It celebrates bond of respect between husband and wife. Renewing vows of love and companionship is the real essence of this fasting. I have seen couples fasting as well as holding grudges with each other. Expressing love is the real spirit of this festival. No prayer holds importance with any malice in heart. Celebrating fast out of fear that something untoward will happen to your husband does not make any sense. If you want to do it then most important is faith in lord and love in heart. Fear should not hold any place in your life.

The real reason or significance of celebrating should be to promote values, love and respect to nurture the family bond. Seeing the present scenario more is the show off and added stress. The real significance is diminishing. There is always added tussle between generations. The older is not able to bend and newer is sometimes not able to adapt, creating a lot of friction. Both need to understand the real value of customs and traditions and move together. 

"Happy Karwa Chauth Friends"

Tomorrow never comes

Knowingly or unknowingly we all at some point of time keep on postponing things.  For me it is becoming like a habit and I dislike it to a core. I keep on forgetting that today is that right & beautiful time to do whatever I wish. It is my perpetual worry, that I keep lots of, even important task for tomorrow. Simple jobs like cleaning a wardrobe, decluttering, calling my friends & relatives, buying some important stuff from market etc. I have a long pending list and my time is running fast.

I very well know the cause of my unsettled situation – It is laziness and  for me tomorrow is the most perfect day.

Time has its pace. It never stops. It heals everything. And we should not take it for granted. Nothing is more satisfying then a well utilized day. It does not mean that we can never have a day for relaxing or sometimes doing nothing but it should be well approached after analyzing the important priorities.

Keep that smile forever on your face

For tomorrow never comes

Keep that loving promise close to heart

For tomorrow never comes

Shower blessings on family & friends

For tomorrow never comes

Feed a hungry today

For tomorrow never comes

Visit that beautiful place of your dreams

For tomorrow never comes

Hug your lover the tightest

For tomorrow never comes

Share that secret with a friend

For tomorrow never comes

Snuggle over a cup of tea

For tomorrow never comes

Listen to the chirping bird

For tomorrow never comes

Close your eyes and pray for humanity

For tomorrow never comes…………….

……………………………………………………………….

Marriage

 

It dates back to year 2013 when I got married.  Marriage came as a huge shock in my life.  It changed so many things, my place of living, where I had spent good 30 years of my life, my job of 4 years.  Over all these years I had dedicated places for looking after my wardrobe, daily needs and beauty requirement almost anything you can imagine.  Leaving all behind I had to move to a different city.  On the top of it even after almost a year of courtship I never felt much familiar with my then fiancé (now husband).

It was very tough for me to adjust in a joint family. Having lived a very independent life before, I wasn’t accustomed to such a family setup. There was dominance and ego tussles. Time went by; I was living almost a lost life. A weak bond with husband, our marriage started showing signs of detachment. 

Well so is life, gradually with much perseverance of my husband and willingness on my part eventually things started falling into the right place. And now there is happiness, moments of sadness, care, share, faith, love, oneness and commitment.  

I really feel strange when people ridicule the institution of marriage. I really abhor cheap jokes taunted at married couples. Though some are light hearted and funny enough but some are too insulting.  I find marriage is something really sacred and pious.  The partners complete each other. Yes, there are moments of frustration and stress, there is much dissimilarity of attitudes but you have to find a way out. You have to make peace and it is possible only when both sides are willing.  Continuous nudging, poking and nagging each other will never help.  Acceptance, communication and love will make this bond strong. Couples need to have very realistic expectations from each other and never let ego come in between. 

And as per the old saying

Never marry for looks as they may be deceptive,

Never marry for wealth as it is perishable,

Never marry just for sake of it as life will crumble,

Marry only when you are willing to commit yourself to a roller coaster life full of many mixed emotions like love, togetherness, intimacy, lowness, sadness, friendship, worry, anxiety and affection.

(Image – Here)